Sisters are doing it for themselves
by Freak called Vashti
Summary: a fic about a good night out rapidly degenerates.


Title: Sisters are doing it for themselves ****

Title: Sisters are doing it for themselves

Category: Daria, Humour

Series: nope!

Summary: A good fic about a night out rapidly degenerates.

Rating: PG-ish

Archive: Anywhere just ask.

Feedback: Yay for feedback! Email me [Vashti_Rules@another.com][1]****

Disclaimer: Daria belongs to MTV. I own muck.

Authors Note: Just a little piece of insanity…

About the title, that song has been going around in my head ALL FLIPPIN' WEEK!!! Maybe by using it as a title I can exorcise it. 

I doubt it.

It's still there.

I used to love that song.

Help me!!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! (I'm going mad now.)

USUAL OPENING CREDITS

La-La Laa La La

BEGIN ACT ONE SCENE ONE.

EXT.: LAWNDALE HIGH. FRIDAY MORNING.

(MUSIC: "Fly Away by Lenny Kravitz".)

(Normal beginning of school day, students pulling up, walking around, that sort of thing.)

CUT TO: INT.: LOCKERS.

(Jane and Daria are standing by their lockers. Daria is leaning against the lockers with her eyes shut.)

JANE: So how went your night of listening to Madame Butterfly moan about how many dates she was missing?

DARIA: I survived. Barely

JANE: How much longer is she grounded for?

DARIA: A week. I can't take this much more. I didn't know they wanted to punish me as well.

JANE: You can always stay round my place for the night (slyly) Mystik Spiral's got a gig at McGrundys tonight – we could tag along.

DARIA: (warningly opening her eyes) Jane…

(We see the FC walking down the hall. Quinn is talking animatedly to Sandi.)

QUINN: I know my Mom will let you come round… after all she only said I couldn't go out – she never said that I couldn't have friends round. Plus there's the first showing of the new _Waif TV_ programme.

(The FC walks on. Daria and Jane look at each other.)

DARIA: I'll be there.

(Music gets Louder on the "I Want To Get Away I Want To Get Away" bit then fades out with the scene)

END OF ACT ONE SCENE ONE

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BEGIN ACT ONE SCENE TWO.

EXT.: LAWNDALE HIGH. FRIDAY AFTERNOON.

(MUSIC: "Another Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd".)

CUT TO: INT.: ENGLISH CLASS.

(Usual thing, O'Neil's jabbering on about some book he has no idea about and most people are asleep.)

O'NEIL: …And so what do you think George Orwell was talking about when he wrote 'Animal Farm' (Looks around frantically) Um Yes? Britney?

(Britney goes from vacant mode to vacant-and-confused mode)

BRITNEY: Um… Isn't that the story about those cute little piggies?

(Bell rings. People get up and start gathering books together and running out of the door, Jane and Daria included.)

JANE: Still on for the gig tonight?

DARIA: Well I could always stay at home and listen to Quinn deny all relation to me and feel my brains dribble out of my ear as they assess fashion trends.

JANE: Or you could feel the brains dribble out of your ears from incessant loud music.

DARIA: When you put it that way how can I refuse?

END ACT ONE SCENE TWO.

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BEGIN ACT TWO SCENE ONE.

EXT.: LANE HOUSE. FRIDAY AFTERNOON.

(MUSIC: "Independent Women by Destiny's Child.")

(Jane and Daria are walking up the path chatting)

JANE: So Quinn actually believed you were a ghost?

DARIA: She screamed and woke up Mum & Dad. Who, incidentally, came down like a ton of bricks on their errant daughter.

JANE: Did they believe what she told them?

DARIA: Nope (Mona Lisa smirk) 

JANE: How evil. (bt) I approve.

(Jane opens the door and they go into the hall)

TRENT (OS) Look it's over Monique. For the final time!

MONIQUE: (OS) No! I don't believe you!

DARIA: (turning to Jane) Maybe we should go to my house.

TRENT: (OS) Don't point that thing at me!

(Jane and Daria look at each other and their eyes widen. The simultaneously burst through the kitchen door. Monique is in the middle of the room holding a gun, which she has pointed at Trent who is standing at the opposite side of the room to the girls. Monique turns around and points the gun at Daria.)

MONIQUE: It's all YOUR fault you screwed-up scheming little bitch! You stole him from me!

DARIA: Screwed up? I'm not the one holding a gun and acting like a maniac.

(Jane meanwhile is phoning for the police. Monique hears her and turns around.)

MONIQUE: DROP THE PHONE!

(Daria takes advantage of her turning by running up and high-kicking the gun out of her hand. As Monique turns around she kicks the gun over to Trent. Monique swings a punch at Daria who ducks then grabs and twists Monique's arm around. Monique ends up in an armlock as Jane comes back in. Trent now has the gun at Moniques head.)

JANE: The police are coming. Thank God they're good for something.

MONIQUE: Crazy bitch…

DARIA: Do you _really_ want me to break your arm?

TRENT: I didn't know you did karate, Daria.

DARIA: Thank Ms. Barch's 'self-defence' lessons.

JANE: What the Hell was that all about anyway?

TRENT: She wanted to get back together again. I turned her down then we ended up arguing and she pulled the gun out.

JANE: I always knew she was unstable.

(Monique mutters something. Daria jerks her arm)

DARIA: Do you want to repeat that statement Monique?

(Monique stays silent)

DARIA: I didn't think so

(OS Sirens & sounds of tyres squealing)

TRENT: Is that the cops?

(Jane goes outside and comes back with two big policemen who proceed to take Monique and handcuff her.)

COP#1: Sorry but you three will have to come down to the station and give a statement.

TRENT: Oh man. Do we really have to?

COP#2: Well you could always be charged for assault and illegal possession of a gun instead of her.

TRENT: Okay. We'll come.

END ACT TWO SCENE ONE.

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BEGIN ACT TWO SCENE TWO.

INT.: MCGRUNDYS. FRIDAY EVENING.

(MUSIC: "Spite my Face by Mystik Spiral".)

(Daria and Jane are sitting at one of the tables at the back.)

JANE: …And so the cops phoned up later and said that she was high at the time so she's getting charged for that as well.

DARIA: So she really could have blown our asses sky-high?

JANE: Apparently yes. The gun was loaded; she was unstable then 'SuperCynic' stepped on the scene dah-dah-dah DAH dah-dah-dah DAH dah-dah-dah DAH dah-dah

(Jane rambles off on the Star Wars theme. Daria looks at her.)

DARIA: Are you sure you're not the one who's high?

JANE: A near-death experience does that to you.

DARIA: So I've heard.

(Mystik Spiral finishes their song and then Trent comes to the front)

****

Okay so this is where Trent thanks Daria for saving his life, plays a touching song then they go outside confess their love, make out, ride off into the sunset, blah blah blah. You think I haven't read all the fanfics out there? Enough of that, back to the story.

TRENT: Thanks for being a great audience, we're Mystik Spiral. Goodnight!

DARIA: (looks at Jane) That was quick.

(Jane looks around. She sees something and her eyes widen.)

****

Hmm… Time for some suspense. Who did Jane see? Why was Trent so rushed? Will Daria stick her tongue so far down his throat it gets stomach acid burns? 

DARIA: (looks at Jane) This woman is worse than you, that is just gross.

JANE: That doesn't mean you wouldn't.

****

Okay who is the mystical author's voice from above and who are the pawns here?

DARIA: I liked the whole kung-fu and cutting remarks stuff and I think you are keeping us at least resembling in character but stomach acid burns? Please.

JANE: I don't mind being portrayed as acting like I'm high all the time…

DARIA: At least that was in character…

JANE: …but Daria is right about the stomach-acid burns - plus what is it with all the drama and curly bold writing?

****

Look, I'm the author, I control you okay? I take liberties.

JANE: I'm sure there's something about stomach acid in our contracts…

****

This is fanfiction. You have no rights, for the duration of this fic you are almost the property of Vashti.

DARIA: Is that even your real name?

JANE: Yeah, It makes you sound like an old Russian stripper. 

****

It's Persian and it means 'beautiful' for your information.

DARIA: Oh please.

****

What? _Daria _is a Persian name.

DARIA: No it's not.

****

It is. Look it up. Now will you please let me get back to the story?

JANE: No stomach acid.

****

ALL RIGHT!!! No stomach acid. Now back to before I was so rudely interrupted… 

TRENT: Thanks for being a great audience, we're Mystik Spiral. Goodnight!

DARIA: (looks at Jane) That was quick.

(Jane looks around. She sees something and her eyes widen.)

JANE: Look at the size of that…

DARIA: Jesus Christ…

JANE: I didn't know they could get that big…

DARIA: That's just not natural…

JANE: You'd definitely be regretting that the next day.

(The camera pans round to reveal a simply enormous… pizza. The poor guy carrying it looks like he's going to fall over.

Well what did you think it was you perverts?!)

G.W.L.L.H.G.T.F.O.: Are you Jane and Daria?

JANE: Is that thing for us?

G.W.L.L.H.G.T.F.O.: Yep. Enjoy.

DARIA: Who the hell would send it?

TRENT: (VO) Hi Daria.

JANE: You bought this?

(The camera pans round to reveal Trent and his fellow no-hopers… whoops I mean band members standing around.)

TRENT: I thought you both deserved something for saving my life back there…

DARIA: So you bought a giant pizza.

JESSE: You're not really gonna eat all that are you?

(Daria and Jane share one of those infinitesimal looks meaning quite simply '_men!'_.)

JANE: Do you guys want any?

ALL OF 'EM: Yep!

The scene fades out on everyone scarfing pizza.

   [1]: mailto:Vashti_Rules@another.com



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